Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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