Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We are all done wearing pants today
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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