Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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