nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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