I hate all girls vehemently.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
