New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
