We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
