It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
