First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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