Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
