I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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