We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
