I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
