bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
