just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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