The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
