Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
