I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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