Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
