i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
