there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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