so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
