i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
