im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
