Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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