just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
