I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We were destined to go to rehab together
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
