You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
