I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
