I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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