he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
