My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
