Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
