You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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