I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
