peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
