Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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