Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this boner is exhausting
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
