I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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