Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
