when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
