Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
