you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
