Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
