I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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