I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
