I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The best revenge is premature balding
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
