last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
