You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
