My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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