There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
