I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
