I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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